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That Time I Loved a Book



Hi.

It was 2022. I was a hormonal, undiagnosed-depressive teen. I had kept a diary for about fourteen months – and was sixteen – well into it, just tickling the surface of my GCSEs. For the few adults reading this who have socks older than me, it was the year you couldn’t go anywhere without hearing the opening drumbeat to Running Up That Hill.

I was sat in the dining bay, and I was thinking about some straight guy I had a crush on. Another straight guy, who I had liked the previous year – but now was slowly becoming insufferable, said:

‘Oi – you seen Heartstopper?’

I said, ‘No.’

He smiled, Mr. Insufferable did, so the dot-to-dot spots on his face went missing in the creases of his cheeks. ‘I would’ve thought you had, considering...’

Tired of the (insert name of animal and name of brown stuff), I said, ‘Considering what, Sufferable?’

‘You’re gay.’

I just left it. In hindsight, I should have given him a round of  b... applause, and wiped the floor with him. But hey-ho (as the Lord said to the maid).

I was hanging about with the guy I liked – he knew – and didn’t care. He made jokes and I laughed. I did impressions and he laughed. But it wasn’t going to go anywhere.

A girl my crush was friends with was texting me on Discord one night (we have since grown up and use WhatsApp), and she was like: ‘Yhh u should totally watch Heartstopper...’

And I did. It was just the one season then. For four glorious hours, I was in a world where everyone was happy. It’s about a boy called Charlie – who, like me, was a depressed, gay teen – who fell in love with Nick, a seemingly straight ‘rugby lad.’

I remember ‘awwing’ at every opportunity and sobbing like a baby at the end. I told my mum and dad about it – and they watched it, and loved it too.

I found out it was a comic. It had pictures that looked startlingly like the actors (Kit Connor and Joe Locke especially). You can read it here. I remember listening to Say You’ll Be There by the Spice Girls on repeat. I remember finishing it at a scene when a mobile got flung down a flight of stairs and feeling seen.

I dislike it in some regards. It made me more open to the idea that the LGBT community is titchy. I have very few gay friends, maybe two off the top of my head. Every guy I ever liked before and since has been straighter than an audience in Songs of Praise.

If Joe Locke or Declan McKenna see this – call me.

Anyway, see you next week. Go back to watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Bye.


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